It is not daring to say that Colin Farrell is an attractive man (watch him in scare night either Miami Vice either Alexander), but it is bold to say that Colin Farrell as The Penguin in 2022 the batman he’s attractive. He’s covered in prosthetics, his hair is falling out, and he has an overall vibe that makes it hard to remember Farrell’s natural sexiness. But newly released photos of the upcoming HBO Max series The Penguin reveals a new look for Oswald Cobblepot, and it’s molto, molto bene. This is sexiness coded in Italian (Cobblepot is, I believe, of Austrian/Hungarian descent, so it’s not in fact Italian). This is not dad, this is dad.
Sure, the hair is holding on for dear life, and the prosthetics are still trying to make Farrell look decidedly more penguin-like, but it’s a far cry from The Penguin’s appearance in the batman, which were all suits and trench coats. This adjustment is giving the first seasons of the soprano Tony Soprano. He’s the generous man who owns the oldest Italian restaurant in Brooklyn, and they don’t do any of that fettucine alfredo nonsense here, grasp?
In the images, Penguin’s subtle V-neck top stretches across her ample bust and little frills of her chest hair peek above her cleavage as if saying “Ciao bella” to any passerby. A basic but expensive leather jacket that was clearly tailored along with the glitter on his middle finger tells me a few things: He has money, he understands the importance of an outfit that fits him, and most importantly, he’s not married.
I can smell the parma water. I can hear the nasality in her voice when he calls me “sweet.” I can feel the impossible softness of her hands. This man gets a manicure every week and kindly tips the nail technician. This man chews on a cigar with the anger of several generations of Italian blue-collar men coursing through his veins. This man openly slapped another man for talking back and called him Bastard as it does.
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This man was coming up to me while I was eating a plate of cheese and black pepper on a crisp white tablecloth in his restaurant and ask him if he can buy me a drink, and I’d say, “yes, please, I’d like an Aperol Spritz” under heavy lids. This man would shout a thank you a crazy in my outfit when I show up at the door of his Cadillac CT5 for our date night. She’d drive two blocks to dinner, singing Louis Prima the whole way, and she’d insist on dropping me off at the door even though there’s a place a few feet away. He kissed my mother’s hands and called her A pretty woman every time you see her. This man is my husband.
The Penguin limited series, supposedly taking place right after the events of the batman, does not yet have a set release date (expected sometime in 2024). According Varietythe eight-episode series will also star Cristin Milioti (Palm Springs), Rhenzy Happy (Charm), Michael Kelly (jack ryan), Shohreh Aghdashloo (the expansion), and Clancy Brown (Highlander) as crime boss Salvatore Maroni.
Until we get even more pictures of this Italian penguinyou can catch me dreaming of becoming Oz Cobblebot princess.